I wrote this poem at 4:30am a few days ago. I woke up in a cold sweat and I had to write it all down before it left me. It’s about releasing yourself from the space that you’ve hidden yourself in. This poem is called “Dasein”, titled after the word that philosopher Martin Heidegger uses to describe the great effort it is for a person to be in the world.

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Dasein

The light is burning a hole in my head through my eyes,

and I can feel the landscape of my teeth rot.

Sitting alone in the dark, stagnant,

With the dead forest of my tongue flooded by words held back.

But no more.

It’s time to fold up the curtains,

it’s time to open the windows wide and

jump out and into the world below…

Even if it means smashing into oblivion,

Viscera on the cement.

Take a chance and let go:

See if I’m lucky, I’ll float.

Facing the cruelty of mirrors and blank pages,

resentment and shame form my clenched fists, but

there’s no one and nothing to fight.

The dam I’ve built to contain myself is breaking and

I let it, because I want to relax.

So what now?

It’s time to roll up the curtains

It’s time to open the windows wide and

Jump out and into the world below…

Even if it means smashing into oblivion,

Viscera on the cement.

See it’s up to me if I float.

————

 I write so much of this “lessons I’ve learned” / “inspire myself” BS because I need it. I need to tell myself I can keep going on. I need to tell myself it’s not the time to quit. I need to force myself not to be so afraid. Out of necessity, it’s all out of necessity, that I encourage myself, because so many times I just want to give up. But I can’t, because I won’t, because I really don’t want to. I write because I know I need to keep going, and I can’t keep going without writing to make myself feel strong enough. It’s always been this way. To deal with pain and hardship and struggle. I feel less alone when I write. I can’t imagine going through anything hard without the ability to write.